Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Boundless love

There were many friends who used to wonder why I was single and often they had criticized me for being single. They would shoot interesting questions at me. The most common questions are: “Do you have a girlfriend? Or have you ever made a love?” But all the time, I would defend myself, rather wittily.

As a kid, my thinking was immature. One such immature question that was on my mind was: are the women purposefully made for men’s gratifications? Or men are made for women? I needed a satiating answer for this.

To console this deep quest, I had accepted the worldly affair of LOVE. Girls were supposed to be housewives, where husbands are the breadwinners. As men were supposed to be the head of the family, women were largely subjugated and they hardly had any say. This stereotypical view had been injected in me since I was brought up in a patriarchal society.

I could still visualize my father ordering at my mother, “Where is my shoe?” My submissive mother would respectfully respond, “It’s behind the door; hung outside”. Sometimes my father used to come home drunk and hit my mother, wounding her badly. Still I had thought it was the right of men to do so and an universally accepted norm. Later, I came to realize the actual truth about it. Everything had been created - our culture, traditions, social conventions and human perceptions. The environment where we are brought up shapes us; its ideologies direct our perception.

We are human and everyone serves purpose, no matter what gender you are. We are interdependent and must respect and complement each other without suppressing one another or without conquering other’s right. In fact, men and women are the two sides of a same coin. There are strict religious cults against the rights of women in different societies: denying education, restricting them joining into politics, and objecting them from doing manual work. It undermines their capability and deprives their rights. Thus, it is because of this that women couldn’t make a good impression like men had done in our history.

As a responsible man, it is necessarily important to reflect on and think critically about those unfair and deluded orthodox and conventional practice. Women shouldn’t be viewed as opposite sex or inferior but an important part who can make one’s life bright as radiant rays of the mighty sun.

Fortunately, I got a chance to study at Gaeddu College of Business Studies. During my first day at the college, a friend of mine received me and allocated a room. There was a trend of ragging in the colleges and I too feared. But thank god, nothing such happened to me. There were a handful of friends from my previous school, so it made my stay possible and ease at the hostel.

Being a new student in the college, we had a bumpy ride for the first few months. The method of studying was totally different from the schools, friends were new and the culture of the college was different. I had to learn how to adjust myself in this different place.

And now, let me share you about a love. I’ll take you to this new exciting story, which I consider as love and don’t know exactly how you would react. I don’t know when I first met her, the girl I loved. Is it her or me who first saw? Nevertheless, I don’t think that is important to recollect.

Like most students of the college, I also used to visit social networking sites often and update filial status about life. All the time, she would comment positively. Once I updated a quote from Calvin and Hobbes, which reads, “It’s funny how day by day, nothing changes. But when you look back everything is different.”
After a moment, I saw her comment on my status, “Wow, nice status! Yes, life is uncertain and you keep smiling as usual.”

I read her comment, and it brought me a sweet feeling. Whenever we met at the academic block, we would spend our time reading books on philosophical topics and Buddhist philosophy. I learned to spend time on learning new things from her. She inspired me to read and now I have become a voracious reader.

“Do you know the Dalai Lama?” she asked me one afternoon. “No, I don’t know. I know Tenzin Gyatso,” I replied. She laughed hysterically, until she could hold her breath to tell me, “You are hilarious.”

That was the initial bonding of our friendship, if I am not mistaken. But I don’t know what she has to say after reading this; in case, if she is brilliant enough to know to whom I am referring to. I always loved looking at her face. Her eyes were like round and deep like marble balls.  Her head was like, what I usually teased her, ‘chicken head’ because of small size. Her hair resembled a bird’s nest, and her fingers were exactly like gingers.

I used to laugh hard looking at her different body parts. She always gave me a quizzical look and belabored for almost three days until I shared about her own physical description. She would laugh after hearing from me all those nasty comments. However, I never found her foolish.

“What do you think of yourself?” she asked me, rather calmly. I didn’t know if she was irritated or simply wanted me to describe about my body feature. To prevent myself from retaliation, I cleared my throat. However, she continued, “Do you have a girlfriend?” Easy question but difficult to answer, I thought. I was thinking hard to answer her; even the response I had to give was either yes or no. If I say ‘yes’, I didn’t have a lover, and if I say ‘no’, I was afraid of being teased in front of the class. I couldn’t decide what to say but I took the latter decision confidently. She came to my ear and said, “Impress girl. You won’t win her if you are always like this.” Girls already rejected me three times, I thought. “You are also single, aren’t you?” I asked her, in a low tone. She looked at me and said, “I like being single.” I nodded, and pushed on her, “That means you had someone before?” “Now stop asking silly questions. I had when I was in tenth standard,” she responded me with a smile. She squinted at her watch and walked towards the classroom, “It’s time for the class. See you.”

One Saturday two of us went out for a walk. We discussed on the importance of education. After walking for long distance, she brilliantly put forward my weakness saying that I was a lethargic fellow. “What is the most precious thing in this world?” she said and in a short moment added, “for me, nothing is important than time.” She threw at me a simple question, but I took sometime to answer her.“It’s food! I can’t live without eating,” I responded. She chuckled after hearing my response. Then, she continued to explain me how precious time is. “Rinthel, if I could hold time I would do anything. I would give you best organic vegetables by taking you to the eighteen century or back to the Buddha’s era and getting enlightened myself after hearing the voice of Buddha,” she said, counting her to-do list using her fingers. “Everything changes because we do not have control over time.” She explained further.
Immediately, I realized what she meant. Every second, we are aging. There is always change in our body feature and voice. As we grow older, wrinkles form, hair loss and our eyesight weaken. She is right, I thought. “You’re very wise and always ahead in thinking,” said I gratuitously. Grinning, she told, “How kind of you! Would you mind if I ask you to come class on time?” “Definitely, I am not bothered of the lecturers. Thank you!” I agreed diligently. “Wonderful!” she patted on my head affectionately.

Every day we would spend our time together. She had never mingled with other mates, except me. If I stayed absent, she would be in a library reading books. She suggested me to read Leo Tolstoy’s “God Sees The Truth, But Waits,” which ranks in top ten of my reading list. She told me that life is a whole process of learning and experiencing without attachment.

“The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari is going to prune your thinking. Go for it! I finished reading within four hours,” her eyes glittered as she suggested this book to me by Robin Sharma.

Whenever I walked with her, she shared me the best things we humans have and the innate talents possessed by all the individuals. The more I spent my time with her, the more wise and happier I felt.

She neither regretted her past nor was worried about the future. Her sober and tranquil nature gradually had built a big good space on my mind. I don’t know whether I was in love, because I cannot coin a word to describe it, particularly my feelings.

My friends used to have their own girlfriends, where they would seldom meet in private. During their birthdays, they would wish each other, present gifts, have dinner together, and sometimes go out on a adventurous trip.

There are many legendry love stories from around the world and many lovers kept a legacy for their loved ones. Indian Emperor Shah Jahan built Taj Mahal for his loving wife Mumthas, Cleopatra had sacrificed for her beloved Mark Anthony and Prince Salim declared a war against his own father (Akbar) after knowing the ill-plan of separating from Anakarli.

So far I have seen these love legacies being told and retold through many new generations but I don’t think mine would be told, ever. My experience of love is mysterious and it cannot be said or explained to anyone. But it is love, for sure. I don’t care whether she is beautiful or ugly, tall or short, thin or fat, dull or clever. She is always in my heart, and always will be. I don’t need her to be with me in person; for me to love is something I have and cannot be snatched away by others. Her name, looks, and fame might be important but none are permanent than just love; therefore, I have loved her for a reason more genuine and bigger.

If I have loved her, I have loved enough to let her go away from me.

5 comments:

Tashi Yangki said...

Congratulations on your first writings in public my friend. It's worth ready and keep on writing.

Jamyang Lodenn said...

Thank You dear friend. I'll keep on writing for sure.

Unknown said...

I dnt regret wasting ma tym to go thru dis piece bro.. Lubd it.. Go on ..continue d story..seems It will produce a gud novel.. :)

Unknown said...

Tashi its so beautiful to read and also worth to read your blog .... U have nice writing skill...
While I was reading I was thinking whether u r describing about a girl who used to stay with u all time at college.... Am I right ya ????

Unknown said...

Thats great writting RT Wangchuk, why don't you reveal the name of your girl.