In conversation with a monk who left worldly life at 40’s

Life is uncertain. We know it. Life teaches us lesson to escape this samsara but only few are wise enough to understand. Rest of us are hooked in attachment. Recently I met a friend by the name of Kinzang Dorji. Kinzang is currently a monk at Kharchu Monastry, PP-grade, and he is 43 years old. He was born in Trashigang and later settled at Umling in Sarpang after his father retired from army. Kinzang is a divorcee and has three children who are all studying in school. Earlier he also served in Royal Bhutan Army (RBA) for about 7 years and voluntarily resigned in 2006. After that he worked as security guard under Army Welfare Project (AWP) for few years. Knowing impermanence of life he decided to start spiritual journey. 

Like everyone of us Kinzang too has a story to share. I am not writing to expose or defame anyone, including himself. Indeed it is a consensual one. Ever since he disclosed me, I've always wanted to share his interesting life story in brief. 

Kinzang Dorji during study hour

Me: Why did you decided to become a monk?

Kinzang: Um, first let me thank you for taking time and writing about me. That is interesting and difficult question. It is a long story, I can tell you in a nuts shell. (Long breathing.)

Me: Please continue.

Kinzang: Frankly Speaking, I was an alcoholic husband. Everything started from alcohol and my addiction for it. (he paused in hesitation.) There was no single day without alcohol and yet I didn't realise I was with a disease of alcoholism. By the time I realised my own addiction, I found myself in the hospital. Experiencing the worst effect of alcohol I wanted to completely quit but I couldn't. Even knowing my worst situation I continued drinking. I got kicked out of my own home. Fade up, my wife issued a divorce paper. I chose alcohol over family and wandered from one place to another.

Me: Ok.

Kinzang: I reached Thimphu and worked in constructions since I know basic masonry and carpentry. In Thimphu, I did detoxification twice and that's when doctor, knowing my background history, wanted to sent me for a rehabilitation centre. I was introduced to Chithuen Phendhey Association (CPA). I owe them, especially Tshewang Tenzin, Executive Director. From there I was sent to Paro rehab for 3 months where my expenses were beard by CPA. Apparently It was rehab that groomed me become who I'm today. Without support from a people thereof I might have lived beggar’s life or else died in accident somewhere. After staying three months in rehab, everyone is expected to change both physically and mentally. I too decided to start my new life. To start a new life, nothing came into my mind but to live a simple life. I saw it in a monastic life. Sobriety is peace.

Me: Was it hard leaving behind your family, friends and worldly affairs?

Kinzang: No-no. Actually I am fade up with worldly affairs. Sorry to be too dramatic, it is a fact that everything is suffering. When I was denied to meet my children, I lost value of having a family. Not even a single friends consoled me during my pathetic condition, I lost trust in friendship. Recently I found everything; family and friendship in a monastic life, providing me a new world.

In front of Monastry 

Me: What's the hardest thing about being a monk?

Kinzang: Ah. I think it's okay to be in discipline and improve instead of wandering in the streets like a gypsies. When I compare my lay life and monastic life, I have achieved enormous energy of being human in the latter. But if I've to pinpoint, memorising is the hardest thing for me. Whatever I studied in the morning, I forget in the evening. Otherwise there's nothing to complain. (Smiles.)

Me: What's the most enjoyable part of  being a monk?

Kinzang: Another interesting question. Being a monk making others happy is an enjoyment. Every morning when I wakeup I see myself alive for one more day and that's enjoyable for me, I can continue with my Dharma.

Me: Do you ever feel an urge to return to lay life?

Kinzang: Not at all. I never dream about it (laughs.)

Me: Would you like to share anything that we didn't cover?

Kinzang: I don't have any special message. I want to say, please do not waste precious human life simply into enjoyment. If you're unproductive nobody will love you. Be a productive person, even unknown will held you high. Life doesn't end until and unless you accept the challenge as failure.

To err is human;  to forgive, divine. We are down to improve through mistakes. One might be going through hard time in overcoming an addiction. That's okay. You make yourself tough enough to prove who you're. You will surely win. Accept criticism in life for it is the driver of your life. There will be a time when nothing will work as per the way you want. You just console yourself before any kind of odd situation overtakes like mine. There is only one great thing of all and it's ‘you’. Value you, love you, care you and rest will go smoothly.

Last but not the least, I want to share Jamyang Khyentse Wangpo's:

དལ་འབྱོར་རྙེད་དཀའ་ཐོབ་པ་ད་རེས་ཙམ། །
daljor nyé ka tobpa daré tsam

Now I have this unique opportunity, a free and well-favoured human form, so difficult to find.

མི་རྟག་འཆི་བ་ནམ་འོང་ཆ་མ་མཆིས། །
mitak chiwa nam ong cha machi

But it will not last forever; death can come at any moment,

འཁོར་བ་གང་དུ་སྐྱེས་ཀྱང་སྡུག་བསྔལ་རྒྱུ། །
khorwa gangdu kyé kyang dukngal gyu

And wherever I am born in saṃsāra, it is a cause for suffering;

དགེ་སྡིག་ལས་ཀྱི་རྒྱུ་འབྲས་བསླུ་བ་མེད། །
gedik lé kyi gyundré luwamé

Whether my actions are virtuous or harmful, karma’s cause and effect cannot be escaped.

ཐར་ལམ་ཐོབ་པ་བླ་མའི་ཐུགས་རྗེས་ཟུངས། །
tarlam tobpa lamé tukjé zung

O lama, hold me with your compassion, so that I find the path to liberation!

Confession #1

I have a privilege of meeting my old friends every weekends via social network. Thank you technology for easing life of fellow human beings and simplifying workload which benefits a lazy person like me. Our conversation would start sharing about gone moments and would laugh heartily but let me be frank, the intensity of laugh is not as powerful as it used to be. Why? I am not sure but it happens and happened. I noticed. Any ways I believe, it is nothing but a part of change and change is necessary, if one of you've never enjoyed it. However I'm some what guilty to get praise from a friends for I've done nothing worth to receive praises. "You must be lucky to have such a life," they expressed while some even told me that I must be a kind hearted person too. Sorry I cannot define how lucky I am but surely I'll tell you how 'kind' I was & I'm. 

At a tender age of six I started hunting pheasants and this happened more than a score of years ago in a remote village of Phu, it means a mountain in our dialect. My two friends were expert hunter and knew every kind of tricks to catch pheasants. In the jungle we kept a trap in several directions expecting at least one trapped, next day. We would collect a cup of rice, vegetable oil, if possible, chilli and go for a picnic after every score. I was cruel but I was also innocent  during those stage of life. Innocent? Of course, innocently committed sin.

Few years later our family migrated to Gelephu upon receiving new land, as a second resettlement group, in 1998. By then, I was only eight years old. It was a different story being a poor and in a new place with people from different ethnic. Perhaps I was mentally shaped in such environment to become even more cruel than before? I don't remember when did I began but I must have killed thousands of fishes. If you ask me which method I haven't used, it would be uninvented one otherwise my cruelty had no boundary. I used umbrella ribs, mosquito nets, hook, battery and used other method that is not favourable to mention here. Right after school hour, I would be already in the stream with required fishing stuff. My last fishing was in my early twenties. I was matured then.

Not only this, I even became a bird hunting expert. Back then we used to get catapult even from Gelephu bazaar since neighbouring assamese were allowed freely unlike today. I killed several birds for the sake of enjoyment. I think I contributed in the extinction of birds and fish. Even ecologist would like to punish me let alone my negative karma that awaits for the chance every moment of life. This story of my cruelty doesn't end here. Indeed I've so many but for God's sake let me forget and believe that I was not cruel innately.

Dear friends, by now, you know how 'kind' I was.