I Will Change the Old Me

I don't know where or how to begin. Today marks the seventh day of 365, and I'm still unsure about my new resolutions. Many of us were excited and have already adopted some changes with the new year. On the other hand, there might be others who are still stuck in 2018, much like I am.

Confused! But I believe every moment is new and deserves new changes. I'm also certain that change is constantly occurring, every moment of our lives.

Nevertheless, let me reflect on the past seven days before I plan my future, knowing that impermanence might prevent me from executing these plans.

I rewind my memory, sadly not time, back seven days from today. I can barely recall those moments that have passed. They were moments of wonder in my small yet self-proclaimed larger life. Last year began with similar celebrations, with hopes that everything would be fine. To be honest, everything wasn't fine; it was just perfect in its own way. Like some of you, I busied myself trying to avoid any harm, even a minor scratch on my body. I concealed everything dark and displayed only the bright side, even if it wasn't genuine. Wearing a red robe, I found it a perfect guise to conceal my true self. I didn't need artificial help to feign kindness, love, generosity, or compassion when I had my red robe. Ordained as a monk and wearing a red robe, I am socially categorized as someone who has sacrificed for sentient beings. I found refuge in this perception, enjoying undeserved benefits. Life passes with its ups and downs, and at the end of the day, what truly counts?

I am good at borrowing things because I don't truly possess anything. Nothing at all. Whether Socrates said it or not, as is my habit, today too I borrow a beautiful line: 'Don't talk of peace and love when you have a dead animal on your plate.' Reflecting on this quote, let me refrain from talking about adopting new changes when I have a backlog of old, unfinished, and unclean habits within me.

If I ever need to change, it's not about bringing in something new but sorting out the old, dirty habits within me. For me, that too is a change.