Turning & Turning In The Widening Gyre Of Samsara

In loving memory of the old me, let me share an information which might not have much sense. One of the most widely celebrated day in life, in my observation, is the day when one is born. Fortunately or unfortunately, I never had an exact birthday. For this reason I'm excluded from celebrating birthdays. My dear mother confirmed my birth day somewhere in fifth month of a

Picture is the imagery of samsara

Tibetan calendar. Possibly it could be on first week of a July. Despite the fact of not having a recorded birthday, it never bothered me at all! I am a true believer of Brian Tracy’s, “It doesn't matter where you're coming from. All that matters is where you're going.” When someone teases me, I defend with wit and convince them that everyday is my birthday. However, there is one reason I found difficult to accept. Birthdays are one side of a truth. I've to develop an undiscriminating appetite to understand this fact. Let me disclose who I am today has a fear within me; the fear of death. The fruit of temporary achievement (living a materialistic life) didn't motivated me as much as fear has been a primary motivator. Fear has never held me back, indeed it has pushed me into a new environment. But death is not the sole culprit. It is birth which begins not only this unavoidable cycle but for everything we can experience in this world. Birth and death are inseparable. They're two sides of a coin. If so, why do I embrace birth? And why do I ignore death? Here too, I need a valid reason. I have an insatiable appetite for the eternal path and the possibility is seen although the track is obscure.

For the joy of human birth and the dreadfully felt fear for death, let me remind myself with the ticking of every second about the little time of life. It maybe a most cherished day but it is a day that adds fear in my chapter of life. Eventually and ultimately I can feel a happy birthday for I have lived these many days since score and seven years. I will continue to ponder the questions of birth and life and the cycle of living each day. And each year during the month of my birth I’ll look even more deeply into my thoughts of so many others who share the same questions, concerns and wonder at both sides of this coin called life on planet earth. The two sides coin of birth and death.

Confession #2

Pic: Google 

We were chanting the mantra of a compassionate Bodhisattva while thoughts in my mind, stupid mostly, kept me engaged the whole day. Of all the thoughts that came and passed, it was one kind of a thought that touched me truly and honestly. Situation let me to vividly remember my old bygone days and I realised my own cruelty. 

Thoughts are likely to strike your mind when you go through situations having similar connection or it can be otherwise.

My friends and I would always love to gather to discuss our next hunting spot. Frankly speaking, we didn't mind openly shooting stones at birds, harmless birds! As far as my memory is clear, I alone shot two birds with my own hands and with the catapults. 

My gosh! This story of going for hunting birds and other animals like deer, rabbit & squirrel is short, though not as short as you might know, but not habitually fishing story, even at my early twenties, eh! There was a time when smallest insects too had to be killed in order to get fish. There was a time when fight would broke out between friends when getting fish was not only difficult but risky too. There was a time when parents would punish us and teachers would openly insult us in the morning assembly. And all because we were fishing? Not necessarily but definitely when we were wrong in our actions. Wrong to take others life, wong even to kill a fly. Those were taught at home and school yet I paid less heed to what they told me. Maybe, may not be, those advices, I stored in my mind, what is scientifically known as subconscious level? I don't know. That might have played a role in the later part of my life? Still I'm not sure. If it worked that way, we should learn to keep advising younger generations, time and again. To some of you, I am more of a flattery, but that doesn't stop me from saying that I do not take meet anymore.

Whenever I chant or pray, thoughts comes one after another. And I'm so remorseful about my own action. Of course that can hardly recompense for all that I've done. Only almighty and my karma knows. I must pay for it. Those were the days when thoughts were immature and actions too. 

The Lord of compassion, Avaloketeshvara, pity me for my unknown deeds. Equally, I am regretful, for I shall bear nobody's but my own deeds. While my weep comes deep down from heart, I'm clasping my two hands, to get out of hell, even though I’m the perpetrator of a sin. Through you, my lord, I shall learn to render services following your footsteps, doesn't matter the output, even if it is tiny like the point of a pin.

Will I ever rid of cruel deeds?