In conversation with a monk who left worldly life at 40’s

Life is uncertain. We know it. Life teaches us lesson to escape this samsara but only few are wise enough to understand. Rest of us are hooked in attachment. Recently I met a friend by the name of Kinzang Dorji. Kinzang is currently a monk at Kharchu Monastry, PP-grade, and he is 43 years old. He was born in Trashigang and later settled at Umling in Sarpang after his father retired from army. Kinzang is a divorcee and has three children who are all studying in school. Earlier he also served in Royal Bhutan Army (RBA) for about 7 years and voluntarily resigned in 2006. After that he worked as security guard under Army Welfare Project (AWP) for few years. Knowing impermanence of life he decided to start spiritual journey. 

Like everyone of us Kinzang too has a story to share. I am not writing to expose or defame anyone, including himself. Indeed it is a consensual one. Ever since he disclosed me, I've always wanted to share his interesting life story in brief. 

Kinzang Dorji during study hour

Me: Why did you decided to become a monk?

Kinzang: Um, first let me thank you for taking time and writing about me. That is interesting and difficult question. It is a long story, I can tell you in a nuts shell. (Long breathing.)

Me: Please continue.

Kinzang: Frankly Speaking, I was an alcoholic husband. Everything started from alcohol and my addiction for it. (he paused in hesitation.) There was no single day without alcohol and yet I didn't realise I was with a disease of alcoholism. By the time I realised my own addiction, I found myself in the hospital. Experiencing the worst effect of alcohol I wanted to completely quit but I couldn't. Even knowing my worst situation I continued drinking. I got kicked out of my own home. Fade up, my wife issued a divorce paper. I chose alcohol over family and wandered from one place to another.

Me: Ok.

Kinzang: I reached Thimphu and worked in constructions since I know basic masonry and carpentry. In Thimphu, I did detoxification twice and that's when doctor, knowing my background history, wanted to sent me for a rehabilitation centre. I was introduced to Chithuen Phendhey Association (CPA). I owe them, especially Tshewang Tenzin, Executive Director. From there I was sent to Paro rehab for 3 months where my expenses were beard by CPA. Apparently It was rehab that groomed me become who I'm today. Without support from a people thereof I might have lived beggar’s life or else died in accident somewhere. After staying three months in rehab, everyone is expected to change both physically and mentally. I too decided to start my new life. To start a new life, nothing came into my mind but to live a simple life. I saw it in a monastic life. Sobriety is peace.

Me: Was it hard leaving behind your family, friends and worldly affairs?

Kinzang: No-no. Actually I am fade up with worldly affairs. Sorry to be too dramatic, it is a fact that everything is suffering. When I was denied to meet my children, I lost value of having a family. Not even a single friends consoled me during my pathetic condition, I lost trust in friendship. Recently I found everything; family and friendship in a monastic life, providing me a new world.

In front of Monastry 

Me: What's the hardest thing about being a monk?

Kinzang: Ah. I think it's okay to be in discipline and improve instead of wandering in the streets like a gypsies. When I compare my lay life and monastic life, I have achieved enormous energy of being human in the latter. But if I've to pinpoint, memorising is the hardest thing for me. Whatever I studied in the morning, I forget in the evening. Otherwise there's nothing to complain. (Smiles.)

Me: What's the most enjoyable part of  being a monk?

Kinzang: Another interesting question. Being a monk making others happy is an enjoyment. Every morning when I wakeup I see myself alive for one more day and that's enjoyable for me, I can continue with my Dharma.

Me: Do you ever feel an urge to return to lay life?

Kinzang: Not at all. I never dream about it (laughs.)

Me: Would you like to share anything that we didn't cover?

Kinzang: I don't have any special message. I want to say, please do not waste precious human life simply into enjoyment. If you're unproductive nobody will love you. Be a productive person, even unknown will held you high. Life doesn't end until and unless you accept the challenge as failure.

To err is human;  to forgive, divine. We are down to improve through mistakes. One might be going through hard time in overcoming an addiction. That's okay. You make yourself tough enough to prove who you're. You will surely win. Accept criticism in life for it is the driver of your life. There will be a time when nothing will work as per the way you want. You just console yourself before any kind of odd situation overtakes like mine. There is only one great thing of all and it's ‘you’. Value you, love you, care you and rest will go smoothly.

Last but not the least, I want to share Jamyang Khyentse Wangpo's:

དལ་འབྱོར་རྙེད་དཀའ་ཐོབ་པ་ད་རེས་ཙམ། །
daljor nyé ka tobpa daré tsam

Now I have this unique opportunity, a free and well-favoured human form, so difficult to find.

མི་རྟག་འཆི་བ་ནམ་འོང་ཆ་མ་མཆིས། །
mitak chiwa nam ong cha machi

But it will not last forever; death can come at any moment,

འཁོར་བ་གང་དུ་སྐྱེས་ཀྱང་སྡུག་བསྔལ་རྒྱུ། །
khorwa gangdu kyé kyang dukngal gyu

And wherever I am born in saṃsāra, it is a cause for suffering;

དགེ་སྡིག་ལས་ཀྱི་རྒྱུ་འབྲས་བསླུ་བ་མེད། །
gedik lé kyi gyundré luwamé

Whether my actions are virtuous or harmful, karma’s cause and effect cannot be escaped.

ཐར་ལམ་ཐོབ་པ་བླ་མའི་ཐུགས་རྗེས་ཟུངས། །
tarlam tobpa lamé tukjé zung

O lama, hold me with your compassion, so that I find the path to liberation!

Confession #1

I have a privilege of meeting my old friends every weekends via social network. Thank you technology for easing life of fellow human beings and simplifying workload which benefits a lazy person like me. Our conversation would start sharing about gone moments and would laugh heartily but let me be frank, the intensity of laugh is not as powerful as it used to be. Why? I am not sure but it happens and happened. I noticed. Any ways I believe, it is nothing but a part of change and change is necessary, if one of you've never enjoyed it. However I'm some what guilty to get praise from a friends for I've done nothing worth to receive praises. "You must be lucky to have such a life," they expressed while some even told me that I must be a kind hearted person too. Sorry I cannot define how lucky I am but surely I'll tell you how 'kind' I was & I'm. 

At a tender age of six I started hunting pheasants and this happened more than a score of years ago in a remote village of Phu, it means a mountain in our dialect. My two friends were expert hunter and knew every kind of tricks to catch pheasants. In the jungle we kept a trap in several directions expecting at least one trapped, next day. We would collect a cup of rice, vegetable oil, if possible, chilli and go for a picnic after every score. I was cruel but I was also innocent  during those stage of life. Innocent? Of course, innocently committed sin.

Few years later our family migrated to Gelephu upon receiving new land, as a second resettlement group, in 1998. By then, I was only eight years old. It was a different story being a poor and in a new place with people from different ethnic. Perhaps I was mentally shaped in such environment to become even more cruel than before? I don't remember when did I began but I must have killed thousands of fishes. If you ask me which method I haven't used, it would be uninvented one otherwise my cruelty had no boundary. I used umbrella ribs, mosquito nets, hook, battery and used other method that is not favourable to mention here. Right after school hour, I would be already in the stream with required fishing stuff. My last fishing was in my early twenties. I was matured then.

Not only this, I even became a bird hunting expert. Back then we used to get catapult even from Gelephu bazaar since neighbouring assamese were allowed freely unlike today. I killed several birds for the sake of enjoyment. I think I contributed in the extinction of birds and fish. Even ecologist would like to punish me let alone my negative karma that awaits for the chance every moment of life. This story of my cruelty doesn't end here. Indeed I've so many but for God's sake let me forget and believe that I was not cruel innately.

Dear friends, by now, you know how 'kind' I was.

Story of a chicken and......

"One beautiful/horrible/terrible/fine night.....," that's how stories are usually begun and the trend will go on in a time to come. I would like to begin my short narration in a way that has been pass to us.

One night, maybe I was in a 5th grade, our group friend planned to make a simple celebration among ourselves since winter has approached.  After discussion on requirement of edible items (and of course some drinks), one of the friend, I don't remember him, urged to have chicken. Chicken! I thought. "Where shall we get?" Said I. Those days it was not difficult to get chicken but we were broke. Though all of my friends were son of a civil servant their pocket money would lavishly waste in buying useless things. "Not very difficult," one friend broke the silence and looked at me, "we'll eat the one we've been waiting for since a year ago." Another friend slapped his own hands together and reaffirmed, "I think we'll have to catch and keep ready tonight itself," he continued, "Tashi your mom should not know about this. If she question us we'll lie." I nodded. Couldn't spoke a word initially but I hid unhappiness and told them that my mother doesn't have any right to poke into our business. Soon we directed towards my house to catch the rooster.

A year ago same group of us were returning from Kalikhola after swimming in a winter day. We were drenched except upper half shirts. Our eyes were red and face somewhat dried due to exposure into water and sun for a longer hours. All of us were hungry, every time we would be in this condition and crazily we always find a reason to go for swimming and that too without parents notice. Chungku took out Nu. 85, if I've not forgotten, and gave it to Ngawang telling him to buy junk foods. Out of nowhere one friend suggested him to buy a chicken. Ngawang and Chungku went to a nearby house to buy chicken while rest of us were eagerly waiting for them to return. I noticed Chungku smiling and not Ngawang as he was behind. "Chick!" Said I. I couldn't imagine what we were doing and what we'll be doing hence. Chungku said, "our money is not enough to buy a fully grown chicken," he smoothly placed chick into his palm and patted then continued, "uncle was kind and gave us this little so that we can have it when it is fully grown." Hell I thought to myself. "Tashi can we raise this at your home?" Said Ngawang, at this rest of them were showing their pleasing expression, "We'll tell your mother that this is a Tshed-thar." I couldn't deny but I didn't show approving sign. Any way I listened to whatever they suggested and convinced my mother too.

I peeped through hole to check mother. She wasn't in the house. None were bothered to inform her even if she would have been at that instant moment. Common mission was to find rooster. Probably I knew where rooster sleeps but I was pretending behind them mimicking every action & only hoping to see my friends getting hopeless. Sad thing was, I did not notice any of my them losing interest or getting hope less. They were doing everything to find. Finally one of the friend saw on the branch of a small mango tree that has grew in front of our thatched house. My heart was beating but in pain. I could not spoke any word that would lead to save a rooster's life.  Bearing a pain inside, I could only wear a mask they've worn. But it wasn't as simple as you may have thought to catch a rooster, eh! Even hours of chasing was not an easy task to catch. My friends were sweating while some even quarrelled when they missed a catch. In between I had to take advantage of their tiredness and told them to try next day. Somehow rooster got inside the piled up firewood that has been kept in our down floor. There wasn't any chance of getting then. I sighed with relief thinking, it was all over.

This doesn't end here. You know what we had in plan B? It was to manage one chicken by any means and that must happen in the same night. So we thought of sneaking into neighbours house. I was trembling when a lion-hearted friends sneaked in without any second thought. The only thought that striked was how to escape if somebody sees us. Funny thing was my friends couldn't manage what we wanted but they brought a homemade/handmade pickle. "Run!" One of them whispered, "towards the school." I never thought of turning aback not even once. I don't remember how I reached school campus, when I turned back there was none behind me. Finding a place to rest my bum I felt like laughing. Few minutes later I could hear my team's nearing me. "What were you guys doing?" I enquired them in a whispering tone. "Bring here. Let me taste." They were giggling. "We must try morrow. Let's keep our eyes during day time. Ours is a Tshed-thar we cannot kill." Ngawang said. Four of us didn't say anything & just focused into eating pickle but that didn't mean we disagreed! I felt like, I was hearing a magical word. Embracing four of them I departed as it was already late night.

I was not present during the second night's hunt. Heard they could only steal whole pickle from that same house. And rest what they did is a mystery to you (readers) all, and may be  me too? Chance is never zero.

Shall I consider this as a fate or a karmic connection? Although we have intentionally raised rooster to be eaten like a glutton, irony is, it has earned a Tshed-thar's title. We were not able to eat rooster because we created a white lie? I believed in 'intention matters' philosophy but it didn't served the purpose at least in our childhood story. What we've intended and what we've seen is opposite; meant to be killed and at last raised as Tshed-thar. My families were helped by rooster every morning substituting alarm clock of the modern world. Nearly after five years of stay with our family, mothers acquaintance wanted a male chicken for the chicks purpose. She had given when I was away. Story doesn't end here but my narration.

Note:
Tshed-thar---> Freed animal from near death situation or animals that are raised against butchering. 

Masked Face

"Lopen you're looking smart." Atsara comfortably sat beside me.

"Who is the most," said I, "you or me?"

"Abviously you," he pondered, "no no. I'm the most."

I requested him for a picture, clearing throat, he immediately granted my simple wish. Indeed he embraced me.

Folks, who has the best mask? We're wearing our own mask, therefore, it is difficult to assume/predict the real truth behind mask. Probably wooden mask and flesh mask are deceptive. What you and I see is not a true revelation to what is hidden inside the two fake faces. We look at atsara with contempt! His role is to entertain and primarily is a laughing stock; without him festival is incomplete? Question is, are we confident that he's meant to be a joker? Or perhaps there's a concealed reason, we don't know. Our life is mixed with a preconceived informations thereby limiting us to know and experience the actual truth. Perceiving things not as they're but as we're is the root cause to our problematic life? I am not sure.

Our assumed perception is like a mask which doesn't expose the true identity.

Life has never been a cup of tea and it never will be. Do not get hope less when things doesn't go your way. Sometimes it is meant to come exactly the way you wanted but from a different way.

Reminder

I was simply sitting, crossed leg, coffee on my hand, and mind loitering uncontrollably. Out of nowhere, I heard a news, of course its shock, at least for me. But then after few minutes, I was trying to analyze the things properly. I could realize how uncertain this human life is. Yet we never keep aware of things for eternity. Whatever happens, it happens and goes away in due course of time. What it matters is a time. This emotion of our changes, no matter even if it is a tragic one.

How many of us are aware of death? Definitely all of us. Every being is afraid of dying. Frankly speaking, even ants try to escape from any external dangers. Fact is not even stone remains as stone. It dies to become a different form and then formation after formation. Oftentimes we are reminded in life. I am sure some of you know. Sad part is most of us are ignorant. So ignorant that we even skip morning alarm.

Human life is too short to experience everything. Perhaps that could be the reason why we are reminded to learn through other’s mistakes. And perhaps that could be the reason why we never get to excel in all the things we attempt. Nonetheless, death is a powerful reminder for us. What would you do if this were your last moment? It could be after reading this line. Would you do what you were doing so far?

Most tragic part is leaving behind our own body; the one you and I have cared from any form of dangers. Aren’t we guest for a night or tenant for a month? Why do we attach to a thing that doesn’t belong to us? Why do we express different emotions? Can’t we stick entirely being happy or sad? We change our emotion and that change has molded us, improving our life. For me death is inevitable. Without death I wouldn’t be who I am. It is death that has always guided me, religiously saying, from eons and eons of years ago. And death shall improve me until I leave this samsara.

Today I gets a reminder upon uncle’s demise, tomorrow it could be anyone. May be I’ll not get another reminder. We don’t know. That’s the fact.

Rest in Peace!

Buddha Face

Few years ago I heard from some people about the face of Buddha on a stone in Wangdue Phodrang. I have been dreaming of visiting it once ever since I heard. Recently I was in search of house for a rent with my friend who is newly recruited as an Inspector of mining under DGM, precisely Department of Geology and Mining at Wangdue. Fortunately we reached to a discussion to visit a Buddha face which is a minute’s walk from the bridge but it can be seen even from a highway which lead to Tsirang. We zoomed towards the cliff. Chencho pointed towards cliff describing components and structural form of face. I could simply see stones dangling above me while he could easily tell me “this is nose, look at eyes, the brow, see how would it look if bush were to weed out from chin area.” Poor me, I was adjusting my eyes only to get an image he was describing. With my perseverance I could find the image, it was so authentic jigsaw done by a nature. An artisan is really going to look in awe for nature has created such an amazing monument.

View from Wangdue-Tsirang Highway

The very moment I had a goose bumps instinctively prickling a thought of wonder. A wonder that might have been stored deep in my subconscious level. I have seen nature’s creation but this is something unique to express. This is a mighty piece of nature’s art lying there millions of years ago, perhaps even before that. Only people with destined fate are to discover such a monument.

Anyone aspiring to visit? It is not difficult. One need not have to climb mountain or cliffs. Simply stop by the Wangdue gate and get help from taxi driver, they will help you for sure.

Close view

I am neither philosopher nor religious minded yet it gave me a lesson to accept everything in life without complaining. One may view Buddha in the form of stone while another may view stone in the form of Buddha. We are seeing the same picture but only the difference is when individual of us judge differently. Encountering different obstacles is not an end but beginning of another mysterious journey. There is always another way to face the problem, in life!

P.s I am posting because of my passion and no other intention.

Picture that shall remind me

Gaeddu College of Business Studies 

GCBS Library

Tashi Wangchuk

“Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” Buddha

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” Thich Nhat Hanh

"The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I've received it." Hubert H. Humphrey

At Punakha