My Neighbor Next Door

Friends, I haven't told you about a friend next to my room. I'll introduce you to this person that I think you'll like. It has been completely three years since we knew each other. The monks, not to mention only students, even seniors know him because he is such a hilarious guy. We call him Pemba which of course is his good name. 

But frankly speaking, occasionally, this guy irritates me. I will share how he does this. 

Every morning, Pemba would knock on my window's glass while I would be busy with my prayer. When I look at him, he would show me his weird facial expressions to amuse me. I would smile if my mood is good otherwise he would see me in a different way. He hardly gets exhausted to keep me entertained but I get fed up, sometimes, with him.  When I show angered face, Pemba would pretend to vanish and reappear when he knows that I've restored into normalcy. Once again, I'll have to pretend to jump down the throat, to avoid him from my sight. I would giggle, then.  This is how two of us greet.

You won't believe me what kind of stories Pemba has and that I heard some of them from him. Although I can narrate all I won't for some reason. Those that I'm going to share are highlights of his life, so far. 

Pemba lost his mother at a very young age and was brought up by his father and elder siblings. His father got married to another woman and left, yet never missed affection under his elder sister's care. But mother is mother only. Nothing can replace her. You and I know that. Nevertheless he was sent to school though he was slower than rest of the mates. I was told by Pemba that he had to repeat each grades. Friends of his age left him and he had to cope with another batches. Of course he would easily cope up. His life took a different direction one day and that has changed a lot. He was traveling between Zhemgang and Gelephu in his cousin’s car. Upon regaining consciousness, he found himself in the bed and had a pain when he tried to move. So he asked sister, only to know from her that he had survived an accident two weeks back. He could tell me not more than that. Because he could recollect not beyond this. The luck has turned in a different form, I say, because it was that indelible incident which pushed him to spiritual path. 

It was not easy for him, especially when he had to study and do examinations in the monastic school too. Once, Pemba, just like any other monk, was assembled in the examination hall. He got dismissed from exam hall. He was laughing hysterically when he shared me how his teacher whipped him on that day. Why? You know, his shaky hands didn't allow him to write properly. Instead wrote a word and filled the space that was provided to accommodate whole monastery name. This infuriated his teacher. Logically I do not see fault with Pemba but that's how life is. Unfair! There should have been better options for him. Is written exam only an option? 

His story doesn't end here. Pemba enrolled to study in higher Buddhist studies which means he will have to face exam for next ten years. He will have to pass the grades in order to complete in time and it was obvious he won't make through such. However, he tried, he failed every attempted examinations for two consecutive years. Since examination is not ultimate aim of Buddhist studies, he was granted under special consideration and exempted from most feared challenge of his life. Today, he goes to the class regularly and receives oral transmission but I find him holding pen, mostly scribbling. He even goes to practice jaling-Tibetan Trumpet. If you cannot enjoy the fruit of success in this life, you've next life. He believes in this. 

To me, to you, to some of us, such kind of life will be harder. The way my neighbour handle his life is awe-inspiring. I see him living life in such a way that sometimes, I feel, his stories are meant to boost when I get low. 

Living With Fear

I do not remember when was the first time a fear has pinched me but learning philosophies to greater heights makes me to believe that fear was already in me from a time immemorial. It is quite crazy but then that's the fact. Needless to say, you and I've experienced fear in some point of our life. Isn't it? It is the fear of getting something, losing something, departing from dear one's, meeting unknowns, so on and on. Despite going through such kind of unpleasant feeling, we have lived our life, at least I consider that way and adjusted in every situations. Considering the fact, it is fear that shaped us and pushed us to arena of fearlessness. Maybe maybe not, as you read the lines on fear, your adrenaline rush gets activated for a valid reason that in one point of life you went through FEAR. Sharing your old memories gives you strength to face fear. Don't have to believe me. Go on and give a try. 

What's my biggest fear in life? Ask yourself. 

If truth be told, there was never a time in my life without fear, to make a long story short, at this moment, my fear is; are my sentences arranged correctly, what will others think if I write this way, am I justifying the meaning of fear as per other people's beliefs. Actually these thoughts keeps me going forward. Are the thoughts, which strikes me time and again, necessary? Not all thoughts are necessary but remember they're all part of journey. There is only one thing and that is to move with thoughts--thoughts of fear! 

Let me share an incident in my life that I have never forgotten till date. On the first day of my school, more than two decades passed, I wept like any pampered child would do. But I do not find any specific reasons on why I silently erupted into crying the very moment when I saw mother at a little distances away from me. It surely was a fear but what kind of fear? Right after assembly got over, I ran off to my mother and burst out into a louder cry. She patted at my back with a consoling touch and that I'll have learn to face fear in life. Those soothing touch from mothers' are the best remedy to heal any kind of wounds. Later I realised that mother's love isn't spoken often and that they can touch you even when they gaze. As of now, this is my oldest known incident which I can relate.

Simple Hot Stone Bath

What if I told you that we went for hot stone bath today? Normally this kind of bath are taken in winter and rarely one will come across a situation like ours. Any ways, ours was another unprepared plan and also for the fact that it is a month of sundays and I didn't want to waste it doing regular chores. It was also last night that I felt like bathing in a traditional way—which not only cleanse physical dirt but inner too. In brief, it cleanses diseases, so, many in the past had used this for that purpose. And I couldn't stop myself from believing as I've to go through such pains which needed immediate cure too.

Stupa on the way

But Today, in the early morning, I never thought we would manage to go since the weather was unfavorable. Slowly it became clear to me that today is the day. Of course I should not be too quick to judge weather as it is known for unpredictable from time immemorial. However, three of us decided to go to a stream below  the monastery where Gelongma Palmo is believed to have spent sometimes doing meditation. I was told earlier by friends about the menchu, I saw some monks going there for the same reason and frankly speaking, I was waiting for the right moment to knock. Glad to have done it today. Wow!

Stone's being roasted 

For many, at least I assume, taking hot stone bath seems to be expensive. If you read how we did, you'll not only be surprised but also want to try it as the earliest. By the way, this was my first try. 

Three basic things are, match box, knife (or axe if you prefer) and firewood. Rest we can adjust after reaching spot. But for us, we had to search firewood from nearby places and luckily we got enough to roast the stones. Otherwise it will be hard to get, especially dried logs in monsoon season. One of my friends had previous experiences and this eased us. He failed several attempts before making a fire as everything was wet. I washed tub while another one vanished into bushes to find extra firewood. It was also teamwork with mutual understanding that quickened our process. After roasting stones for more than 2hrs, I took the first chance to dip into tub and experience a wonderful medicinal bath I’ve ever tried. I was told that even lesser stones can easily heat the water in the tub if the stones are heated longer. It depends on stone's to heat the water. They've a direct proportion. Longer the stone heated means faster the chances of getting water hot. Adding artemisia plant make’s the bath aromatic one. 

Bath Tub

We should have taken hot tea and snacks, I wished on that tub. None of us carried any eatable items. It was heavy breakfast that kept us strong till noon. Maybe that's why we were not concerned about not bringing edibles. I would prefer to carry next time. 

After soaking for nearly an hour, I offered two friends who were waiting and were busy roasting stones. When I stepped out from the tub, as informed by a friend, giddiness caught me for few seconds. Could be a blessing in disguise? Because, usually, orally, religiously, I was told about such symptoms and it occur only when it works with your ailment. Maybe I heard it wrong. 

Relaxing myself

I pray this medicinal bath cures me in every sense. 

Finally, we finished everything and took lunch around 2:00 PM at my brother's home. 

Turning & Turning In The Widening Gyre Of Samsara

In loving memory of the old me, let me share an information which might not have much sense. One of the most widely celebrated day in life, in my observation, is the day when one is born. Fortunately or unfortunately, I never had an exact birthday. For this reason I'm excluded from celebrating birthdays. My dear mother confirmed my birth day somewhere in fifth month of a

Picture is the imagery of samsara

Tibetan calendar. Possibly it could be on first week of a July. Despite the fact of not having a recorded birthday, it never bothered me at all! I am a true believer of Brian Tracy’s, “It doesn't matter where you're coming from. All that matters is where you're going.” When someone teases me, I defend with wit and convince them that everyday is my birthday. However, there is one reason I found difficult to accept. Birthdays are one side of a truth. I've to develop an undiscriminating appetite to understand this fact. Let me disclose who I am today has a fear within me; the fear of death. The fruit of temporary achievement (living a materialistic life) didn't motivated me as much as fear has been a primary motivator. Fear has never held me back, indeed it has pushed me into a new environment. But death is not the sole culprit. It is birth which begins not only this unavoidable cycle but for everything we can experience in this world. Birth and death are inseparable. They're two sides of a coin. If so, why do I embrace birth? And why do I ignore death? Here too, I need a valid reason. I have an insatiable appetite for the eternal path and the possibility is seen although the track is obscure.

For the joy of human birth and the dreadfully felt fear for death, let me remind myself with the ticking of every second about the little time of life. It maybe a most cherished day but it is a day that adds fear in my chapter of life. Eventually and ultimately I can feel a happy birthday for I have lived these many days since score and seven years. I will continue to ponder the questions of birth and life and the cycle of living each day. And each year during the month of my birth I’ll look even more deeply into my thoughts of so many others who share the same questions, concerns and wonder at both sides of this coin called life on planet earth. The two sides coin of birth and death.

Confession #2

Pic: Google 

We were chanting the mantra of a compassionate Bodhisattva while thoughts in my mind, stupid mostly, kept me engaged the whole day. Of all the thoughts that came and passed, it was one kind of a thought that touched me truly and honestly. Situation let me to vividly remember my old bygone days and I realised my own cruelty. 

Thoughts are likely to strike your mind when you go through situations having similar connection or it can be otherwise.

My friends and I would always love to gather to discuss our next hunting spot. Frankly speaking, we didn't mind openly shooting stones at birds, harmless birds! As far as my memory is clear, I alone shot two birds with my own hands and with the catapults. 

My gosh! This story of going for hunting birds and other animals like deer, rabbit & squirrel is short, though not as short as you might know, but not habitually fishing story, even at my early twenties, eh! There was a time when smallest insects too had to be killed in order to get fish. There was a time when fight would broke out between friends when getting fish was not only difficult but risky too. There was a time when parents would punish us and teachers would openly insult us in the morning assembly. And all because we were fishing? Not necessarily but definitely when we were wrong in our actions. Wrong to take others life, wong even to kill a fly. Those were taught at home and school yet I paid less heed to what they told me. Maybe, may not be, those advices, I stored in my mind, what is scientifically known as subconscious level? I don't know. That might have played a role in the later part of my life? Still I'm not sure. If it worked that way, we should learn to keep advising younger generations, time and again. To some of you, I am more of a flattery, but that doesn't stop me from saying that I do not take meet anymore.

Whenever I chant or pray, thoughts comes one after another. And I'm so remorseful about my own action. Of course that can hardly recompense for all that I've done. Only almighty and my karma knows. I must pay for it. Those were the days when thoughts were immature and actions too. 

The Lord of compassion, Avaloketeshvara, pity me for my unknown deeds. Equally, I am regretful, for I shall bear nobody's but my own deeds. While my weep comes deep down from heart, I'm clasping my two hands, to get out of hell, even though I’m the perpetrator of a sin. Through you, my lord, I shall learn to render services following your footsteps, doesn't matter the output, even if it is tiny like the point of a pin.

Will I ever rid of cruel deeds?

My Friend Lost His Close Brothers To Canine Distemper

Early this year I travelled to Samtse. It was just another unprepared plan which took me to a southern foothills. I did not had any reason but to meet my friends who were also expecting me since some years ago. I already started missing them as I'm writing this. 

It was my second time to Samtse so I was likely to face some confusions. In order to avoid such, I informed Deepen Raj Ghalley, whom I call him with first name only, to receive me at the bus stand, since another friend was engaged being a teacher. Instead of receiving, he was asking if I would be comfortable to come home with his mother, who works as Sr. Nurse at Samtse Hospital, as he has to stay with two brothers. Two brothers? You've brothers? Thought to myself but didn't ask him. I told him that I would be happy because aunty treats me like one of her sons. But when I inquired ticket counters, ticket was available for afternoon bus only. I didn't want to wait longer.  Hence I booked Tendu bus hoping I would manage any car once I reach Samtse town and board Chengmari from there, in that way I wouldn't have to wait aunty. I must be a fortunate guy to get Tendu bus which means my destiny was on the way to Tendu where I could drop in between. By the way, bus was old and worn out. I adjusted for at least three hours.

Deepen with Jomboo (left) and Jimba 

Deepen was waiting for me on the road. He knew when the bus would bring me. I was ushered by him, to a newly built house, after walking some two minutes off the road. After we got inside the house I immediately knew that his two brothers were Joombo and Jimba, when he called them. They were two little puppy, three months old, brought from Punakha. By looking at the kennel and food, I could easily make out that they were treated no less than brothers by Deepen and family.  

I felt quite awkward when I saw Deepen dedicating most of his time in nurturing those two little. Of course he knew what went into my mind. It is not that I don't love animals. I dearly love them. And I've a story, I was in second standard, about how I cried going near a little puppy that had died suddenly without ailing symptoms. Few years later I lost another puppy. I went searching from villages to villages but in vain. Only I will know the pain I went through. When I couldn't handle such emotions that's where I decided to not develop close affections with animals.

But I also knew how much he loved them. He sleeps with them. Cleans their pooh. And enjoys with them during his bored time. It was everything for him. I know Deepen since college days and everybody knows how lazy he used to be. I was surprised when he woke early at six o'clock to cook for his brothers. I was happy that he has picked up some good habits. If I've to, I should have thanked two dudes for such treat Deepen received. Apart from this Deepen has grown mushroom in a small scale which he plans to enlarge if business goes well. 

Recently Deepen shared me in grief that he lost his two little brothers to a Canine Distemper. Entire family is moaning at their lost. I know how dearly they loved the puppies. Even I was disturbed upon hearing the news. 

I tried to console him but he was unhappy with the fact that many dogs are still succumbing from the infection and there's no other people taking the matter seriously. There must be something done in order to save the life of innocent dogs. Many dogs have paid their life, irrespective of age and health.

At the moment all he can do is watch in helpless and let them die helplessly. 

'I'm totally devastated man.' Received Deepen's WhatsApp text last night. And today is almost seven days after he lost his dear brothers yet he couldn't reach to a normal. 

I pray for their birth into a heavenly realm.

Deepen adopted two other stray dogs but already lost one to the disease. Blacky, in the picture, will be the fourth dog to die from the Canine Distemper. Can't imagine stray dogs situations! 

A Letter to Yangkis'

Dear Yangki,

One thing that seldom eats my head while writing is when I do not know how to start and where to put the end, interestingly I can gossip as much as you like in the middle. You are purposefully invited to listen to my gossip.

Yangki, as I am writing a simple chit to you, at the same time, I am breaking a promise I made to myself on the eve. I decided, even told my friends not to disturb me in any sense for ten days, and I will live without contacting any one. It turned elsewise. Main reason is because I have to submit my total daily mantra chant when the concern monks come during their stipulated time; in this case I had to agree with them. And therefore sharing some gossip surely give me a relief for a loss of not getting isolation as I wanted. Today (also third day), I am done with one of the three mantras chanting. Weird it may seem but I have much nonsense to share. To be precise, it is gossip! Please bear with me for few minutes even though you might have other meaningful chore in the pipeline.  

On my first day I woke up to a sound of vajra bell and damaru, instead of my cell phone’s alarm, of a neighborhood who stays in the down floor. I tossed my hand towards cell phone to check the time, not surprisingly it was near to six o’clock. After turning and rolling for few minutes I could get off from drowsiness. Alarm too started. I would have fallen back into sleep had it not been my alarm for the second time reminder.

If there was something new to taste in the morning it was a potato curry after almost a month, for the breakfast. I missed potato because, like most of the kids, I am still a potato lover. During my service as a cook (Soepen), in three weeks voluntary, for the Khen Rinpoche (or abbot to some), potato, onion, garlic and pumpkin are never cooked due to health issues and religious belief. After I tucked into a potato curry, I began my prayer and chant simultaneously.

Not so long after I started chants, a babble of conversation in the distant was getting louder and louder as it approached near my dwelling but I didn't bother to poke my nose. One of them took courtesy to knock the door. They were highly learned monks accompanied by seniors. I nodded my head when one who knocked the door was asking if I was staying here. They left. I got frustration. I craned my neck out of window to see the presence of neighbors’ in the next. There was no one. I hopped over the window and locked the door from outside. No one will disturb me, I thought after reaching inside. As irritating as jerry to tom, second round came and I heard what they said. I moved curtains to let them know that I am still inside. It wasn’t funny by the way. There was no use of lock from the outside after knowing I was inside. Third round came and went. I unlocked the door from outside, still with irritated kind of feeling.

My target was to complete chanting one mantra within three days so I raced from the second day. I wrote my name on a piece of paper sheet and pasted against the door hence I didn’t have to attend unlike in the previous day. But you see, the more I chanted, the lesser my mouth worked. My thumb started aching after running over bids for hundreds and thousands. Felt like sleeping. Oh no! Maybe mara tried attempting to thwart me? Above all, it is this untamable mind that needs my attention. I couldn’t tame even for a few seconds. Harder I try, tougher it becomes. Within a fraction of second mind takes me to a longer adventurous I ever travelled and I will ever travel. The friends I departed score of year ago, foods I tasted long time back, places I visited, naughtiness I did, services I rendered, love I received, beauty I saw etc, vividly resurrected and triggered adrenaline rush. I was alone in the room yet engaged by mind. Other friends I have is four statues, placed at the top rack is Sakyamuni Buddha, below is three others (from left), Vajrasatta, Guru Nangsi Zilyon and Avalokisteshvara. I watched them as if they were going to talk to me.

Honestly saying, I signed  out all my social network accounts except for wechat and blog to connect, judiciously. In this way I do not know what is happening outside. No I am not googling also. You won’t believe me that my same neighbor’s TV sound can be heard although one needs to give good concentration. Since I chose to distance myself from any news, whenever I hear ‘corona…..’ on BBS from down, I louder my chant, even loudest if the sound comes clear to my ear. For this reason I do not know the current cases related to coronavirus. I hope and pray that everything will reignite from where it stopped. It shall be a good and great leap, my dear.

My dear Yangki, it is pity that I have told everything in a nutshell. I am sorry to say but most of my gossips are not shared but I didn’t lie. I won’t regret for not revealing all, believe me, too much honest is not good. Some stories are not meant to disclose, remember this.

Sitting whole day between the four walls, thoughts running in my mind uncontrollably, and gossip popping, maybe it is a responsibility to share with you individually, Yangkis'. 

Take care. See you soon.

Thank You,

Jamyang Loden.